I survivc on countdowns. I found a fun countdown widget for my dashboard (yes, I have a Mac now) that is constantly being updated to the next fun thing that is happening. I’m looking for the little victories because the big victory, i.e., the end of school, seems so far away. It’s only 65 days or something, which really isn’t that long, as the day is usually over before I get used to it beginning, but it’s still 65 more days of lesson plans and correcting taking up my every waking hour. As I type, I have a large pile of reading workbooks on my lap cutting off circulation to my feet. Next year I will tear the pages out of the workbooks so I’m not lugging all of them home every night. My list of things to do during the summer is getting longer by the day, but my mother promises to come help. Hopefully a summer of work will make next school year less horrible. Maybe then I’ll be able to keep up with the housework and cook some real food. Maybe. But for now, it’s back to correcting and my ever faithful tv. Thank goodness for cable!

Nearly 2 months ago, I was at a super fun meeting where a bunch of experienced teachers gave us new teachers a scary list of all the phases we were going to go through. According to their plan, I’m in survival mode at the moment… and they’re right. It’s all about survival. One day at a time. Take it as it comes. It’s nuts. 12 hour work days mean I eat sleep and breathe lesson plans, worksheets (sorry Dr. Whaley) and other kid stuff. I miss MLC, my friends, and the theater. I’m counting down the days until my mom comes and then when I get to go back to New Ulm. That’s what keeps me going at the moment… counting down to fun weekend things. Thankfully, the days and weeks go amazingly fast. At this rate I’ll be 30 and living with 10 cats before I know it! But for now, I’ll at least follow one thing my profs taught me… teacher bedtime. It’s only 10:10. I’m early — thank you Dr. Wendler

Ah to post more often… yeah… so major things have happened in the past few months… Children’s Theater was an amazing success. I was so proud of everyone involved — it was as flawless as possible. Still one of the top 5 more stressful experiences of my life, but exciting as well. It seems like graduation came the next day… somehow I made it through finals, passed all my classes, packed up my room (or at least some of it) and got my diploma. That was another stressful experience, also in the top 5. Sitting in the lightbooth for the meeting before the call service might possibly be the most stressful experience. Just waiting for them to read my name was crazy. The whole day was surreal… but I have a job in Kenosha, WI — grades 1 and 2. I am so totally excited and nervous and scared and everything inbetween. It’s going to be awesome. Please come visit!

Some days I look at everything I’ve done in a day and think that it might be better for my health if I had spread it out over two days. Crazy. Today was one of those crazy days where I stop and wonder if I really am going to get everything done. And then I do something silly like spend 3 hours in the green room talking to some freshmen. (it’s weird talking to them… we’re on opposite ends of the college experience — they’re just beginning and I’m 66 days from being done) I got a lecture (or at least it felt like it) today about my priorities and how I’m not going to be a children’s theater producer the rest of my life, but I am going to be a musician. It was suggested that I should re-think how I spend my time. So I’ve been thinking… and really, I wouldn’t have done anything differently. True — there’s no telling what would have happened if I took all the time I put into theater and spent it on music, but really, I don’t think I would be happy. Call me crazy, but I’m not a 24/7 music geek. I tried for awhile — it just didn’t work. But now I feel bad, like I’ve let people down by not giving the music everything I had. But if I had given it everything I would have had to sacrifice other things I love, and that’s not really fair to me. I guess it’s just weird to be looking back at what I did in college and seeing how differently things turned out than I had expected them to. Not really different, just a few big things that are quite the opposite of what I would have expected — a few people that I’m super close to, and a few that I wonder if I’ll ever get to talk to again. So strange… sad… unexpected. Talking to my new freshmen friends tonight was interesting — we were talking about graduation — them from the perspective of just graduating high school and me looking forward to college graduation. Same fears, risks, worries — but they landed safely in college and I’ll land safely somewhere too — hopefully in the continental USA

Grrr… back to new ulm. I broke up the trip a little bit — just drove to the grandmother’s yesterday and then the rest of the way today. It actually makes the trip a little longer, as my grandma’s is only 1 hour closer than school, but it is 2 hours from my grandma’s to school… but it’s interstate all the way to my grandma’s, and I like the interstate better. Roads were icky today but I made it. Leaving yesterday felt more final than it has in the past. It was my last spring break. It should have been more productive, but I think I’ll be ok. It’s just one of those milestones that makes the whole graduation thing more final. Crazy. I guess I’m ready to jump back into school again, but I don’t know for sure. So much to do, so little time. I feel like I should have more done for Children’s Theater than I do… but I’m sure it will get done. It has to. Crazy.

I have a confession. I did not vote in the last presidential election. Call me crazy, lazy, uninterested or just stupid, but I did not fill out the absentee form in time to vote. Previously I wasn’t really all about admitting this, however I think I might be ok with it now. Last week a teacher in Colorado got in trouble for comparing Bush to Hitler but not thinking about the other side of the story which made me wonder how someone could compare our president to such a horrible person. So, a bit of research and thinking was done, and I’m now glad I didn’t vote. I would have blindly voted for Bush. Lesson learned? Think for myself before the next elections… and actually vote. Yeah… when I’m an actual resident of a state it’ll be easier.